Day 760/132

“Stand up straight and realize who you are, that you tower over your circumstances. You are a child of God. Stand up straight.” ~Maya Angelou These words saved me today. When I felt myself start to crumble, instead I stood a little straighter. Now is not the time. There is work to be done. Benjamin’s… Continue Reading Day 760/132

Day 759/131

Rhythm. A word and an idea I’ve always loved. Tonight, our rhythms feel very off. I’m listening to Benjamin breathe through an oxygen mask while he sleeps. His breaths are short, staccato, labored. He has a fever and his resting heart rate is entirely too high. He got a chest x-ray just before midnight, and… Continue Reading Day 759/131

Day 684/56

Benji slept through the night and didn’t need any more morphine or hot baths. I had a great feeling about today. I jumped up at shift change, excited to see Benji’s lab numbers rather than dreading them. It was the best screen I’ve seen in many, many days. Benji’s white blood cell count went down… Continue Reading Day 684/56

Day 644/16

I woke up early and tried to let Benji sleep as long as he could. When the day shift nurses started coming in, taking vitals, listening to his heart, getting medicines out of the supply cart, and all of the other clankety things that happen in the morning, Benji opened his eyes. The first words… Continue Reading Day 644/16

Day 404

Today was an oddly grounding day. I put my feet on the floor after turning off my alarm at 5:30am. I took a moment to get my bearings. I mentally recited an overview of the day’s goals, and of what in my world needed my attention. Somewhere within this silent morning narrative, as it does… Continue Reading Day 404

Day 366

One year ago today, Benjamin began his treatment for Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia. January 2, 2015 was “Day 1.” He had surgery to place his port and he received his first dose of chemotherapy. It was the first of 294 doses of chemotherapy this year, given by spinal injection, intravenous tubing, intramuscular shots, and pills. Benji has… Continue Reading Day 366