Empty and Full.

Waking up dreamless yesterday morning made me feel empty, and my emptiness soon evolved into frustration. I was working on elements of Benjamin’s memorial service on my computer, and the pictures I needed to see weren’t loading fast enough for my liking. I was grumpy. I needed to get outside. In the backyard, on a gorgeous… Continue Reading Empty and Full.


We’re learning lessons every day. Yesterday was our first day back. Michael went to work, Banyan went to school, and I packed my schedule in preparation for Benjamin’s Celebration of Life*. By the end of the day, I was kind of wrecked. We all were. I hadn’t given myself the space to just sit, to be… Continue Reading Balance.


We are home. I am exhausted in a way I haven’t experienced before. I wouldn’t feel this shredded without the emotional release I have experienced these last few days, and for that, I am deeply grateful. This morning we said goodbye to our family. They have treated us with such love and kindness. During our parting… Continue Reading Home.

In the Quiet.

In the quiet, comes the grief. In the wind in the backyard. In the sink washing dishes. In the lighting of a candle. In his huge, unbelievable absence. I was alone today for the first time since…I really don’t remember. Michael and Banyan had errands to run in preparation for our private committal of Benjamin’s body… Continue Reading In the Quiet.

Day 770/142

Comments will be disabled for the foreseeable future as our family focuses on Benjamin’s peaceful passage. Your love and prayers are acutely felt and deeply appreciated. There has been another shift of energy in this room. We feel it, our families feel it, our nurses feel it, our community feels it. Mostly, Benjamin feels it.… Continue Reading Day 770/142