Sweet Mother Mary, Please help me through these next forty days. Carry me to his great grandmother’s house for Thanksgiving. Help me see his shadow in the pine trees. Help me hear his laughter in the crackling fire. Help me hold space for his father, who used to find such comfort there, and for his… Continue Reading Sweet Mother Mary
We are approaching six months since Benjamin died, and every day I am learning new lessons. Some days I cannot move, and some days I find it easy to feel joy, to see beauty in a way I never saw it before. Most days I wonder what is real, and how time can be such… Continue Reading Surprises.
Benjamin has been away from this world for 65 days. These last two weeks have been cathartic, fascinating, riveting, unexpected and reassuring. As this Easter season comes to a close, I am filled with a sense of renewal. Reaffirmed faith. Belief in the new growth on the trees. Appreciation for the plump caterpillar, unaware of his… Continue Reading Renewal.
It’s been six weeks and a day since Benjamin’s last breath. I’ve been thinking a lot about this period of time. Six weeks. At six weeks after the births of each of our sons, we had our final clinical visits with our midwives. They’d make sure my uterus was healthy, free from infection and properly contracted back… Continue Reading Postmortem.
This has been a powerful weekend full of powerful lessons. The ache in my chest won’t go away, and neither will the spinning, in the vacant places. I am overcome with sadness. I am overcome with gratitude. On Friday afternoon, when the slideshow for Benjamin’s service was almost complete, my computer crashed. Everyone came to… Continue Reading Thank you.
Things feel very intense right now, and I have a full and grateful heart. As I sit here for hours and hours sorting photographs I am struck with pride and thankfulness at having been blessed with this boy for nine years and fifty-one days. There was just so much joy in Benjamin’s life. I have evidence. Tons… Continue Reading Nearing.