Twelve moons have waxed full Since you took your last sweet breath. I don’t understand. On your first birthday, We celebrated milestones: Sitting, crawling, words. You could say mama, You laughed with your whole body, You took steps. We cheered! Those moons waxed slowly, Invitations to reflect: Oh my! How you’ve grown!… Continue Reading The Twelfth Moon
Benjamin was born on the longest night of 2007. It was the night of the Winter Solstice, the night before a full moon, and one of the two proudest nights of my life. Throughout my gigantic second pregnancy, I referred to my child in utero as my little bird. It wasn’t exactly a practical decision;… Continue Reading The Longest Night
He’s been gone from his body For forty weeks and four days. For forty weeks and four days, He grew inside my body. As he grew inside my body, From a love to a sprout, From a grape to an ultrasound, My God, I was huge, From a phone call to a groaning cake, From… Continue Reading Forty Weeks + Four Days
Sweet Mother Mary, Please help me through these next forty days. Carry me to his great grandmother’s house for Thanksgiving. Help me see his shadow in the pine trees. Help me hear his laughter in the crackling fire. Help me hold space for his father, who used to find such comfort there, and for his… Continue Reading Sweet Mother Mary
We are approaching six months since Benjamin died, and every day I am learning new lessons. Some days I cannot move, and some days I find it easy to feel joy, to see beauty in a way I never saw it before. Most days I wonder what is real, and how time can be such… Continue Reading Surprises.
Benjamin has been away from this world for 65 days. These last two weeks have been cathartic, fascinating, riveting, unexpected and reassuring. As this Easter season comes to a close, I am filled with a sense of renewal. Reaffirmed faith. Belief in the new growth on the trees. Appreciation for the plump caterpillar, unaware of his… Continue Reading Renewal.