In the quiet, comes the grief. In the wind in the backyard. In the sink washing dishes. In the lighting of a candle. In his huge, unbelievable absence. I was alone today for the first time since…I really don’t remember. Michael and Banyan had errands to run in preparation for our private committal of Benjamin’s body… Continue Reading In the Quiet.
Michael and I couldn’t sleep last night. We both reverted to hourly wake-ups. The first pot of coffee was brewed this morning at 5am. We’ll get used to this, and it will eventually morph into some kind of healthy pattern, I’m sure. We vacillate between intense pain and a strange kind of numbness. Even though… Continue Reading A Day of Love, and an Announcement.
I knew that Benjamin would die today. I knew that I would walk outside and feel the Florida February sunshine on my skin, and he wouldn’t, and I would feel guilty. Then I knew that he wouldn’t need the skin. He is the sunshine now. We kept the music playing as we all tried… Continue Reading Day 772/144
The energy in the room has shifted once again. This happened as the day progressed; this morning, Benjamin walked to the bathroom. This morning, Benjamin was still drinking small sips of root beer float from a straw. This morning, when Michael said ouch, Benjamin cried with empathy. Now, we are rising and falling with Benjamin’s… Continue Reading Day 771/143
Comments will be disabled for the foreseeable future as our family focuses on Benjamin’s peaceful passage. Your love and prayers are acutely felt and deeply appreciated. There has been another shift of energy in this room. We feel it, our families feel it, our nurses feel it, our community feels it. Mostly, Benjamin feels it.… Continue Reading Day 770/142
Since Benjamin’s diagnosis, we have asked for guidance to make decisions for his highest good. Today we were guided in a direction we did not expect, but one that could not have been more clear. We are staying on the seventh floor. Last night, Benjamin had a high fever and rapid pulse, and he was… Continue Reading Day 769/141