Last night, I could not write. I was exhausted to the core. I thought about how hungry I was when I was pregnant with Benjamin, and the subsequent awareness that it had been nothing compared to the hunger that comes with those first days of nursing. This realization was similar. I wasn’t expecting to feel more tired… Continue Reading On Children.
We’re learning lessons every day. Yesterday was our first day back. Michael went to work, Banyan went to school, and I packed my schedule in preparation for Benjamin’s Celebration of Life*. By the end of the day, I was kind of wrecked. We all were. I hadn’t given myself the space to just sit, to be… Continue Reading Balance.
I slept soundly but woke up too early this morning. I listened to my body when it begged for more sleep. I was rewarded with a vivid dream. The dream was in real time. Monday morning. We were sleeping in the camper, but we had a tent set up outside, and Benjamin tumbled out of it.… Continue Reading Dreams.
We are still waiting. Benji and I were up late last night. He is feeling so much better, and he wanted to make a round of his homemade soda for the night shift. I happily agreed. He lined up his orange pineapple creation around midnight and it was met with rave reviews. One of the… Continue Reading Day 733/105
We both slept so soundly last night. I jumped up at shift change, hopeful, while Benji caught the last of his twelve hours. Benji’s labs showed a doubling of white blood cells as well as neutrophils (his ANC is 120). His blast percentage stayed the same, but that means the number of blasts doubled as… Continue Reading Day 697/69
Benji slept through the night and didn’t need any more morphine or hot baths. I had a great feeling about today. I jumped up at shift change, excited to see Benji’s lab numbers rather than dreading them. It was the best screen I’ve seen in many, many days. Benji’s white blood cell count went down… Continue Reading Day 684/56