Twelve moons have waxed full Since you took your last sweet breath. I don’t understand. On your first birthday, We celebrated milestones: Sitting, crawling, words. You could say mama, You laughed with your whole body, You took steps. We cheered! Those moons waxed slowly, Invitations to reflect: Oh my! How you’ve grown!… Continue Reading The Twelfth Moon
Benjamin was born on the longest night of 2007. It was the night of the Winter Solstice, the night before a full moon, and one of the two proudest nights of my life. Throughout my gigantic second pregnancy, I referred to my child in utero as my little bird. It wasn’t exactly a practical decision;… Continue Reading The Longest Night
We are approaching six months since Benjamin died, and every day I am learning new lessons. Some days I cannot move, and some days I find it easy to feel joy, to see beauty in a way I never saw it before. Most days I wonder what is real, and how time can be such… Continue Reading Surprises.
Benjamin has been away from this world for 65 days. These last two weeks have been cathartic, fascinating, riveting, unexpected and reassuring. As this Easter season comes to a close, I am filled with a sense of renewal. Reaffirmed faith. Belief in the new growth on the trees. Appreciation for the plump caterpillar, unaware of his… Continue Reading Renewal.
It’s been six weeks and a day since Benjamin’s last breath. I’ve been thinking a lot about this period of time. Six weeks. At six weeks after the births of each of our sons, we had our final clinical visits with our midwives. They’d make sure my uterus was healthy, free from infection and properly contracted back… Continue Reading Postmortem.
This has been a powerful weekend full of powerful lessons. The ache in my chest won’t go away, and neither will the spinning, in the vacant places. I am overcome with sadness. I am overcome with gratitude. On Friday afternoon, when the slideshow for Benjamin’s service was almost complete, my computer crashed. Everyone came to… Continue Reading Thank you.