Day 758/130

Everything seemed to takeĀ forever today. I don’t know how much of this is based in reality and how much stems from my own anxiety. Benjamin has received his three doses of chemotherapy, but the first wasn’t hung until almost 9pm. Benjamin continues to sleep quite a lot. It’s his escape from pain and it’s fine… Continue Reading Day 758/130

Day 757/129

Benjamin was sitting on the toilet at 3am. He had just vomited and the basin was still full at my feet. His head rested on my belly while I held the tubes for his IV fluid and liquid nutrition up off of the floor with one hand, and scratched his back with the other. We… Continue Reading Day 757/129

Day 748/120

Benjamin and I woke up during the morning blood draw. It was still dark. Our nurse had to do a cap change on Benjamin’s IV line because he got transfusions yesterday. The process is slightly more invasive than a normal draw; we both have to wear hats and masks, and we are a little out… Continue Reading Day 748/120

Day 747/119

We’re back on the seventh floor. It’s where we need to be right now. I’ve felt terrified, angry, guilty, relieved, and grateful today. Sitting here to write this feels exhausting, but these are just words. Benjamin has shown me what true resilience is. The sky was cotton candy pink this morning as we left for… Continue Reading Day 747/119

Day 691/63

Benjamin’s fever rose and fell throughout the night, and into the day. At morning lab draw, our nurse took a blood culture. Nothing has come back positive for bacterial growth. He had a sore throat most of the day, very little appetite, and a cough. He’s fighting a virus. At shift change an hour later… Continue Reading Day 691/63

Day 688/60

Benjamin didn’t sleep very well last night. His side was hurting intensely after yesterday’s platelet transfusion. I woke up before he did, when our day shift nurse came in to tell me he’d be getting a red blood cell transfusion today. I had a sinking feeling about his labs. I hate that feeling. His hemoglobin… Continue Reading Day 688/60