Benjamin has been away from this world for 65 days. These last two weeks have been cathartic, fascinating, riveting, unexpected and reassuring. As this Easter season comes to a close, I am filled with a sense of renewal. Reaffirmed faith. Belief in the new growth on the trees. Appreciation for the plump caterpillar, unaware of his… Continue Reading Renewal.
Waking up dreamless yesterday morning made me feel empty, and my emptiness soon evolved into frustration. I was working on elements of Benjamin’s memorial service on my computer, and the pictures I needed to see weren’t loading fast enough for my liking. I was grumpy. I needed to get outside. In the backyard, on a gorgeous… Continue Reading Empty and Full.
I woke up too early this morning, and no one had anywhere to be. The same was true the morning I dreamed of Benjamin, so I went back to sleep, willing my brain to repeat the gift. It did not work. Such an empty feeling. Benjamin was just a few days older when he died than Banyan was… Continue Reading Weeks.
I slept soundly but woke up too early this morning. I listened to my body when it begged for more sleep. I was rewarded with a vivid dream. The dream was in real time. Monday morning. We were sleeping in the camper, but we had a tent set up outside, and Benjamin tumbled out of it.… Continue Reading Dreams.
I had two dreams last night that I can remember. In one, I was holding Benjamin, who was about a year and a half old. He was naked and we were at the beach. I was flipping him upside down and back up again, and he was laughing, and putting his head on my chest… Continue Reading Day 417