Day 596

day 596

Today was a day of processing. I felt tired when I woke up this morning. Exhausted, actually. I was planning to drive to my mom’s house in Winter Park tonight to prepare for her 70th birthday party tomorrow–instead I feel I have no real physical choice in the matter. I need to go to bed. I will wake up early in the morning and head northeast, ready to celebrate.

We spent the day preparing for the school year. New uniforms, new shoes, new supplies, the whole deal. Kathy and Gana took the boys to lunch, and Kathy kept them for a couple of errands after. I appreciated this very much, because my shopping was certainly expedited; but I realized quickly that my mental health was not nearly as sound when they weren’t with me. I had moments (in Walmart of all places) when fear threatened to undo me, and I had to fight back tears in the notebook aisle. (Specifically, it was the “Back to College Days” display that did it.) When they are with me, it’s much easier to live in the moment, to look at them and remember the truth of now.

One thing my solitude allowed was a long phone conversation with our primary care physician. She has never encountered a Lynch Syndrome case, let alone a CMMRD case. She listened carefully and was warm and open minded and thinking of molecular research and I appreciated how fast her mind was working. I think she will be a solid advocate and resource as we navigate this.

I look forward to the last weekend of summer, a weekend of celebration, a weekend to be with people I love.

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