Benji woke up with me at 5:30 to head northeast to my mother’s house. He was excited for the adventure and I was grateful for his company. Michael and Banyan came later so that Banyan could attend a back to school party he’d been looking forward to.
We found a podcast on cooking that we both enjoyed very much. As the sun rose and Benji napped, I looked northward and saw a handful of bright hot air balloons dotting the sky. I was filled with the desire to be in one of those baskets with Michael and my children. I tried to wake Benji to show him but he sleepily shook his head.
Sarah and I prepared for our mama’s party all day while our boys played and swam. The evening celebration went beautifully. Mama’s house was filled with friends she’s had for many years.
A few days ago, when people would ask how Benji is doing, I would say something like “He’s kicking ass,” and my face would show confidence and pride. I had to answer that question many times at the party. My answer was the same, but I had to push away sadness when I said it. I wondered if the sadness eroded the confidence and pride. I felt guilty, like I’d betrayed him. This is all ridiculous of course. He’s kicking ass. Truth.