Day 421

I sent the boys out into their academic worlds this morning with high hopes. They both had quizzes today, but more importantly, I wanted them to feel good about themselves. I wanted Banyan to feel confident and responsible. I wanted Benjamin to feel healthy and strong. Of course, these things are beyond my control.

What is within my control is the way that I feel, and this morning, I was in a Class A FUNK. For some reason, I flipped through the radio stations and landed on the country music station’s radio-thon for St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital. I could not turn the channel, as much as I wanted to. Story after story of children with cancer, overlaid with country music, intended to compel listeners to donate. I cried for most of the morning. It was ridiculous. Turn the channel! I connected so much with the parents’ voices. I was grateful to find my heart wide open.

I paused my cry-fest to walk the Ringling Bridge with my friend, and it was wonderful. She makes me laugh and keeps things real, which I love. I needed the movement in my body and in my energy. I returned home for a quick shower, then went to a nearby restaurant to pick up lunch for the boys.

I chose our restaurant intentionally; they were donating a portion of their proceeds today to the newest Sarasota family with a child who shares Benjamin’s leukemia diagnosis. It was a little surreal to be in a place packed with people and posters supporting this family, knowing that a year ago, similar posters showed Benjamin’s face.

Benjamin and I shared sandwiches and conversation at lunchtime. Mrs. Smith said he was a little tightly wound today; not a surprise. He was ravenous last night. I think the effects of the steroid pulse this month will last through the weekend, then taper off. At baseball practice tonight, he was also a bit loose. But nothing his parents and coaches can’t handle. Deep down, his heart always shines through, and it is so good.

I dropped Banyan’s sandwich off at middle school next. He nailed his math test and history test today. I am proud of him, but mostly happy for him–and relieved. I knew he was capable. Now he does too. And he is so much happier.

A very busy weekend lies before us, with sports games and birthday parties and house projects and creative gatherings, in beautiful weather with excellent company. I am grateful for all of it.