Day 598

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Goodbye, summer.

The backpacks and lunchboxes are packed and waiting. Third and seventh grade begin tomorrow. We have enjoyed a wonderful adventurous summer with these boys. I wish it didn’t have to end.

Benji’s tummy hurt this morning, pretty badly. He asked for Kytril. I didn’t bring it with me to my mom’s house. I felt terrible. To distract him, we jumped in the pool while everyone else was eating breakfast. He rode with me on the way home and cried again from tummy pain. He fell asleep about an hour into the drive.

In the solitude, my mind started racing. My heart kept pace. I was considering so many fear based scenarios, then feeling guilty for feeding the fear. Podcasts and music weren’t helping. I felt like I couldn’t catch my breath.

My sister calmed me down a bit. So did looking at my sweet sleeping boy, and remembering what is real right now. Then the distractions of home took over. Dishes, laundry, groceries, school preparations. Distractions are going to be important this week as the boys return to school.

Action and research help. Tomorrow I will make our appointments with Moffitt and get the referral for a gastrointestinal physician. If it is even possible for Benjamin to be scoped during his next lumbar puncture, I imagine it will take some finessing.

In spite of the fear that broke down my defenses today, I am excited for tomorrow’s new chapter for my boys. I am relieved and grateful to find the excitement there. Tomorrow will be a fresh start.

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