Day 537

This morning, it was Banyan’s turn to be brave. He needed a tetanus booster this summer and today was the day. He was dreading it. Benji taught him his Jedi mind trick–just don’t think about it–but that’s easier said than done. When it was go time, I honestly wasn’t sure how Banyan would react. But he summoned up the courage, and when the needle entered his arm, he was completely still, unflinching, totally calm. It was a minor triumph in the grand scheme of things, of course, but I think it was a sweet moment for him to realize that yes, he can do hard things too. He is brave, just like his brother.

Kathy scooped up the kids this afternoon for a movie date and some pool time. I met her at a health food store for the exchange. I had a dream last night that Benji’s liver enzymes were through the roof. I have no logical reason to believe this is true, but it was time to re-up on our milk thistle, tumeric, calcium and mushrooms (this time I chose this blend, which includes Turkey Tail).  I came home and worked for a few hours, then began some long overdue home office management, which included an hour long phone conversation with the financial department at All Children’s. I also started tackling some major piles that needed to be sorted and filed.

In one of the baskets of the boys’ schoolwork, near the bottom, was a knitting bag I’d forgotten I had. I remembered immediately that I’d last used it during Benjamin’s three week hospital stay in the fall. I must have tucked it in the basket after Benji returned to school and forgotten about it. I started emptying the bag. I had to catch my breath. A leftover bottle of steroidal eye drops. The large tub of ointment I used to moisten his desquamating skin. The prayer flags I’d tied together and strung around the room. His dream catcher. Round neon dinosaur bandaids, hospital issue. A package of vomit bags. And a single bracelet with his name and medical ID number on it.

Life feels so different now, but the sting of those weeks came right back to me. It was just below the surface. I put the things away and started a load of laundry that included the empty knitting bag. I breathed into the prayer flags, and left to reconnect with my family.