Day 418

day 418

I began my day under a full moon on the Ringling Bridge. I was alone, and it was extremely quiet. The usual volume of walkers and joggers and bikers was vastly diminished this morning. I was grateful for the silence and for a gorgeous moment of balance, when the blushing pink underbellies of the morning clouds to the southeast matched the sleepy pink glow of the moon setting in the northwest.

After all that talk yesterday about cruciferous vegetables, and Benjamin’s specific request for broccoli last night, he went on a hunger strike for dinner. This hasn’t happen in a couple of steroid pulses. I haven’t missed it. This is one of the strangest, most confusing, emotionally gut-wrenching consequences of steroids, one which we never expected. Thankfully, Benjamin has learned to overcome his dinnertime struggles, almost every night. He is maturing through some really unique obstacles.  He was pleasant this morning and ready for breakfast.

During school hours, I had work meetings, threw dinner in the crock pot, and went to a commercial printer for help with mass-cutting tissue for rainbow stars. When I picked Benji up from school, steroids reared their ugly head again. This week-after is so hard to predict. He was clearly decompressing after a long, tiring day. I understand, but he was unkind, and I had to give him a few minutes to cool off. I told him that he can always talk to me about anything in his body. He can scream or jump on his rebounder or do any number of things to get his feelings out. But he cannot be unkind. He apologized sincerely. He said, through tears, “I don’t know what made me act that way.” It’s okay, buddy. I do. 

It was a gorgeous night for baseball practice. Benjamin’s season starts Saturday, the same day as Banyan’s football season ends. Benji felt a little warm to me as we were getting ready. I think he was just flushed, another fun residual of steroid week. Banyan continues to thrive this week at school. He is prideful and attentive and focused and happy. I am so grateful and so relieved for him to be able to tap into himself and find what he needs. We are all learning how to do that, each in our own way.



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