Day 518

day 518

I couldn’t sleep last night. My eyes were wide open until at least 2am. My mind was racing.

Still, I’m thankful I woke up before the sun for our last sunrise bridge walk of the school year. We were greatly rewarded, my walking friend and I, with a pod of dolphin who followed beneath us, and a glorious bright pink sky show.

When I came home to get the boys ready for school, I could have sworn Benjamin was warm. I took his temperature three times. Nothing. Normal. Fine. I was snappy with Banyan, and emotional well through the morning. I know this is directly related to sleep. I tried to calm myself throughout the day, but my lack of well-rested defense allowed fearful thoughts to easily invade.

Somehow, I collected myself enough to join a friend on the air for her afternoon radio program about health. Today’s topic was childhood cancer. For forty five minutes I talked about Benji’s diagnosis, and finished up with some information about the lemonade stand next Saturday. My emotions were at the surface. I left there feeling totally exhausted.

We had plans with sweet friends to catch sunset, dinner, and play some music, so Kathy picked the boys up from school and she and Gana took them to dinner. I missed them terribly tonight. But we had a lovely time; my day was framed by a sunrise and sunset in a competition with each other, and I’m not sure which was more spectacular.

Benji’s toe is still slow to heal. We return to All Children’s Tuesday, but I have arranged for him to establish a new relationship with a primary care physician here in town the day before. Our former physician passed away, and because Benji sees so many oncologists, he hasn’t been to a general practitioner or pediatrician in over a year and a half. It’s time. Things like a slowly healing toe, or a little cough, or a low grade fever need to start falling within the realm of a doctor who will care for him long after treatment is over.

Tomorrow is the last day of school. Hallelujah. Summer is here, and we will enjoy it fully.

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