Day 259

It is strange having both children at school again. I find myself having a hard time focusing as I try to reintegrate into the world. I know I’ll get there, and I know I don’t have to rush. There is so much I’m behind on, and so much that doesn’t seem to hold the same weight anymore. I will be gentle with myself. I will not pile too much on my plate again, not now, and not ever. I will remain present.

Benji was excited to return to school again today. His tummy hurt this morning but he refused medicine. He was a little tired throughout the day, said his teacher, but he did his work with enthusiasm and even stayed a little while after class to work with her and get caught up. She sent me this picture of him perfecting his new pencil grip. He’s so proud.

The boys both have tests tomorrow. They did homework and studied after school without complaint. I think, for very different reasons, that they have each gained a significant measure of academic confidence this week. When they feel confident at school, it is reflected in their behavior at home. It was a very pleasant afternoon.

I felt like I was in many different places at once while the boys were away. I was working, cleaning, researching, writing, paying bills, making lists. I was jumping around a lot. When I looked back at what I had accomplished during their school hours, I was surprised at how productive I was; in the moment, I felt scattered. I accept that this reintegration will be a slow process. I’m grateful for these mini-opportunities to practice before Benjamin is in maintenance.

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