Sweet Mother Mary

Sweet Mother Mary,

Please help me through these next forty days.

Carry me to his great grandmother’s house for Thanksgiving. Help me see his shadow in the pine trees. Help me hear his laughter in the crackling fire. Help me hold space for his father, who used to find such comfort there, and for his brother, who will probably skip the wishbone this year after the turkey is carved.

Help my eyes find the beauty in the twinkling lights he loved so much as we drive back home.

Push the lump down deep in my throat when I see the egg nog in the grocery store.

Help me breathe through the pain in my chest when I drive past the red and white tent on the corner. Give us the strength to walk in one day and find The Perfect Tree, however imperfect it feels.

Sit with me as I unwrap the ornaments, please. Help me see his little fingers as they show me which branch deserves each treasure.

Be with me as I shop for toys and games that don’t require two players.

As I sit in his enormous absence, let me feel gratitude for his brother’s beautiful presence.

Guide me in the spirit of this season, please. Give me strength with decisions I’ve never questioned, like Santa Claus and Christmas cards and the symmetry of stockings.

Help me know how to honor him, and children like him.

Let me hear the music and feel his bright joy, stronger than my sorrow.

Surround me with the divine comfort I have been so blessed to know these last nine months.

And on the longest night, Sweet Mary, please help me celebrate his Solstice birth, so close to the night your own son was born, when you pondered precious things in your heart.

Amen.

 

26 thoughts on “Sweet Mother Mary

  1. Love you so much. Wish there was a way to help you cope with the coming holidays with all their memories.
    I’m here for you

  2. I remember when you said those four little words: “a year of firsts”. Even though they were delivered with your sweet, melodic voice… they were heavy. I BELIEVE that the strength that has carried you this far, will continue to move you forward over, through, and with this season. I love you, LG!

  3. Here with you in perfect understanding and wishing for both of us and the other mothers we know going through this too. Like always you expressed the feelings so clearly. Love you Mama

  4. May all of these honest and beautiful and heartbreaking prayers be answered so specifically that you are certain they have been. May you be so deeply comforted and embraced. May this peace and comfort be so abundant that it stretches to embrace your loved ones in waves. May a small cup full of extra be left for sips when grief sneaks up and surprises you.

    Laura, as you discover, will you continue to share with us how best to honor him, and children like him, as we fumble trying?

    Gently, humbly and sincerely,

    Jenny xoxo

  5. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about Benji and your family. I hope your beautiful memories will help you through the holidays and beyond.

  6. As tears stream down my cheeks, my heart aches for you. I pray that you find strength and peace during this holiday season as I know it will be very tough in so many ways.
    Love you and you family!

  7. Such a beautiful prayer. I am thankful you have a gift to express your feelings so clearly and honestly. I wish with all my heart you, and mothers like you, didn’t need this prayer. You are always in my thoughts, always in my heart. I cherish you.

  8. You have such a powerful, extraordinary gift of writing. So touching. Sending you and your family love and strength from far away. Hoping the beautiful memories and your beautiful family help you through this unimaginable challenging time. I believe you will handle it with the most grace possible. Much love to you and your family, blessed to have each other.

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